i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
