I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
