i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
