I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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