He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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