i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
