On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
