dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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