I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
