i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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