Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just google imaged poop.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
