Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
