meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
