It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
