You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
