Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
