saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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