she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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