Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
