he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
