Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
