I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
