It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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