I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
