I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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