I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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