Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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