even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
