he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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