I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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