why didn't you poke me back
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You made out with two different species that night
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
