My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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