He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
