Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I love having hate sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
