Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
