can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
