he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
