i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
