did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
