yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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