so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
