we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We have started to decorate penises.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
