STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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