haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
