Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
