we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
