Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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