Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
