Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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