Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
