Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
